Like other women of my age, I’ve intensely internalized the drive to not be a bother. (This often annoys those near and dear to me as I consequently suffer from the work-related difficulty in “saying no” as well as a profound dislike of trumpeting my own horn.)
That kind of attitude makes for a great team player but it also doesn’t get you to the top in academia, now, does it? This year I want to devote extra attention to my research. I will continue to fulfill genuine administrative needs and teaching roles. I said no to teaching a graduate overload (and am still wrestling with the guilt over that). I am trying to work more days with my office door closed at least part of the time. That, too, is a struggle. But, God Almighty, if I don’t get some more work in print, where the heck will I be, professionally?
I need to navigate between the extremes of self-abnegation and divadom. Wish me luck.